Mary Beth Straguzzi easily outpaced four challengers yesterday to win re-election to a fifth term as Straguzziville mayor.

With 100% of the precincts reporting, Mary Beth had 50% of the votes compared to 25% each for her closest rivals. She campaigned on a populist platform of hugs, homemade chicken soup, and harsh penalties for any Straguzziville resident who does not promptly carry his or her folded laundry upstairs from the den.

Despite her resounding victory, several opponents refused to concede the election, citing reports of voting irregularities and fraud.

"It's not fair," said second-place finisher John (one vote). "Scott can't read yet, so Mom gets to help him fill out his ballot!"

"Plus she bought him a new Lego Bionicle guy that morning," added Amy (one vote). "I'd have bribed him with one too if Dad hadn't forgotten to give me my allowance last week."

There were also allegations that some voters were confused by Straguzziville's new 'butterfly' ballot format.

"How could I have received no votes at all?" grumbled Nick. "I voted for myself. At least, I think I did. It was so hard to follow that stupid dashed line down the page. And I forgot my reading glasses!"

(Indeed, election sources revealed, on the condition of anonymity, that one of the five ballots was invalidated when the voter cast his choice for 'Printed On Recycled Paper'.)

Mary Beth's victory was certified when the Straguzziville Supreme Court refused to hear appeals, preferring instead to watch that night's episode of SpongeBob Squarepants on Nickelodeon.

Mary Beth will be inaugurated for her fifth four-year term on March 28, 2003. Nick has already been informed that he is expected to cook dinner that evening. ¤

Last June, Straguzziville cut the ribbon on a brand new playground, exercise center and clubhouse for the town's youths.

The old playground had served local youngsters well for ten years, but it fell victim to age and safety fears. Namely, Amy and John are a lot bigger than they used to be, plus the neighborhood kids aren't getting any smaller either.

Additionally, Scott had taken to tying a jump rope at the top of the old sliding board and then using the rope to climb up, much like Sir Edmund Hillary scaling the final ridge of Everest. This caused the town elders no shortage of fear and agita, and it prompted them to take action.

Located on the outskirts of town, the new playground features four swings, a much larger elevated meeting area, and a longer sliding board. Most importantly, it includes a sturdy climbing rope ramp for budding toddler mountaineers.

Stragsco Enterprises won the sealed-bid procurement process. A team of their finest carpenters and engineers began work on June 1st (see photos below). Despite several glitches, mostly due to the fact that Creative Playthings' assembly manuals were apparently written by illiterate saboteurs, the job was finished in about a week.

Within minutes of the ribbon-cutting, Scott had tied his jump rope to the top of the new sliding board and began climbing up and down it. It figures. ¤